Loy Young

Being raised a hero

A few fortunate children grow up with hero parents whom they learn to mimic quite young. Being a hero and taking care of others just seems a natural way of life to them. John’s father was a doctor whom he greatly admired. Sure enough, John grew up and became a physician just like his dad. In this case, John was driven by positive energy, and he therefore did not experience the ups and downs in business that other people do when the emotional energy is derived from pain.
4. Following hero role models
Janice’s parents quarreled all the time, but she had the good fortune of having a favorite aunt she greatly admired who was a schoolteacher. Janice imitated her instead of her bickering parents. However, much of her emotional energy was derived from the wish to differentiate herself from her parents, and as a result Janice was experiencing many ups and downs in her life. Eventually, she learned to release her negative emotions through a series of sessions. She just needed some direction and technology.
Many kids from troubled homes told me of a special schoolteacher who believed in them and gave them the acceptance they did not find at home. These children began to mimic their teachers who had become their heroes.
5. The hero who grew up too fast
Growing up with several younger siblings, the eldest child frequently becomes an assistant caretaker of the family for the parents. Many kids of large families start the role of hero or heroine in this manner. But not all these stories are happy.
Sharon’s father, the breadwinner of the family, died when she was thirteen. While her mother went to work to feed the children, Sharon had to wash and cook for her six younger brothers and sisters. Her childhood was left behind as she handled household chores like an adult with full responsibilities. As a grown up, Sharon hardly ever laughed. Her sadness could be felt as she walked into a room.
Sometimes, especially in homes of alcoholics, both parents are violent and physically and emotionally abuse their offspring. A client named John began his hero role by packing up his brothers and sisters in the middle of the night and shepherding them over to a neighbor’s house when his parents came home drunk.
5. The champion of the underprivileged
I well remember my first trip to poverty-stricken India. I almost fainted one day when I saw a mother break the leg of her young daughter right in front of me on a crowded street. I started shouting and ran to interfere, but my Indian companion stopped me. He told me that this mother was trying to ensure her daughter’s survival by enabling her to rely on other people’s charity as crippled beggar. Her deformity would probably also shield her from being raped in the streets.
Another day, I heard yelling and screaming. I pushed closer through the crowd until I beheld a young bride who was being torched for a shortfall in her dowry. I ran toward the unfortunate victim and tried to save her but was pushed back by the bridegroom’s family and almost trampled on. The Indians I was with picked me up from the ground and held me back.
I well remember that night vowing that I would spend my life working for the rights of women. For years I had dreams of the little girl crying as her leg was being broken and of the blood-curdling screams of the young bride in flames. I would wake up to the stench of burned hair and flesh.
6. The fighter for a cause
Joyce had a daughter who was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. I have never encountered greater emotional pain than that of a parent whose children were killed. Without taking steps to expel the pain, Joyce may have died as well. The trauma at first caused her a nervous breakdown, but as she got better, she became a heroine and spent years of her life as a spokesperson against drunk driving.
Another client’s son died of an overdose of drugs. His father Josh used to think that his business was the most important thing in his life; and he really had paid little attention to his son. When the boy died, the father was humbled to the ground and every sign of professional arrogance disappeared. Josh blamed himself for his son’s death; to ease his pain he campaigned against drug abuse in schools. Fortunately, Josh had a younger son who benefited from the lessons his father learned.
Often heroes like Josh begin to save others even before they deal with their own victim scenarios. Sometimes the hate and negative energy these heroes use to triumph over the perceived abusers are lethal. When this happens, they perpetuate hate, blame and anger by using that negative energy in their cause. Eventually, the cause they are working on begins to get tainted.