Loy Young

Carla had always been a sickly child.  Measles, chicken pox, flu, pneumonia-there was almost no disease she had not had.  As an adult, her illnesses grew increasingly severe, until one day Carla developed symptoms of an illness for which there seemed to be no explanation and no cure.

Carla was brought to see me in a wheelchair.  Her body looked like a skeleton, with gray skin sagging on her body.  Carla was obviously exasperated with her fate.  She had come to believe that she had been cursed, like many other people in this world whose fears drove them to superstition.  The villain they must conquer employs mystical weapons.  The feelings play out an enticing, scary charade, but remain hidden within.

I helped Carla search for the emotional hurt that was torturing her body.  Carla was born in Panama as one of eleven children.  She didn’t even know her birthday.  Her mother only remembered that Carla was born during the rainy season.  Carla was usually lost in the crowd of her many siblings and ignored by her parents except when she fell ill.  Then she was usually taken to her uncle, a doctor, who showered her with attention after which she promptly got well.  Therefore Carla equated love with sickness. 

Her approach to connubial bliss was, “if you love me, you’ll rush to my side when I’m ill and give me tender, loving care.”  With such a tactic, her wedding to a doctor appeared to be the right prescription for her woes, at least at the beginning.  However, Bill reasoned, “If you love me, you’ll let me heal you.”  He found his respect and self-esteem through curing people.  As Carla never stayed well, Bill began to feel like a failure.  He even sent her to a colleague for a more objective opinion.  Carla was seething, of course.

Hell has no fury like someone’s emotional nature being ignored.  Our feelings are going to be the star of our own play and everyone else’s if possible, be it through sickness, tragedy, or death if need be.  Most people do not like themselves enough to give their emotions the energy they need.  Therefore our sentiments try to get this attention from another person, by hook or by crook.  Our emotional self has no qualms about devouring others if it feels rejected or overlooked and will battle the perceived villain until one or the other has won.

Carla had to become her own heroine before she could get well.  She used to think that taking care of herself when she was ill proved that she was not loved. It was a dramatic turnaround for Carla to begin to love herself.

If you are a person who gets ill when you feel ignored and unloved, you need to learn how to give yourself attention.  Don’t fall for the usual “shop until you drop” remedy of buying expensive things that you cannot afford or for the pamper trap of stuffing yourself with sweets; these are methods of sabotaging yourself, settling you with the victim role on a permanent basis.