Aries

Aries energy arrives March 21-April 20 each year. Spring is here, at least in the Northern Hemisphere, an occasion for New Beginnings. It is a time when your mind becomes infused with one idea after another of new things you want to start. It also could be old idea, one you did not carry through with; now back demanding attention. This sounds exciting, and it is if you are ready. Pioneers, leaders, adventurers thrive on this energy.

What happens though if you are in a toxic relationship or a boring job that deadens your creativity? Once these same vocations and relationships could have been good for you, but you outgrew them. You are starting to contract, no longer expanding.

If indeed you are stuck in a comfort zone, this desire for the new could rage inside of you, much like a volcano demanding to be released. Furthermore, the energy is quite strong, dynamic, and cannot be ignored. Know if you try to suppress Aries energy, it has a way of coming out like the lava flowing out of the volcano.

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You blurt out words that you wish we could take back, but alas you cannot. The energy pouring through your veins demands change, often destroying anything that is in its way. Why? Because year after year, Aries calls on you to become your own leader, to listen to your counsel, and to originate your own ideas.

Courage

What do you need to become your own leader, be a pioneer, an adventurer? The first quality is courage. You don’t just start off by being courageous, it has a progression. Fear is the beginning of courage which progresses to being a daredevil which looks fearless but is not. Finally by going back and forth many times between fear and daredevil like a pendulum, you do arrive at true courage.

Not only physical courage, but the courage to speak up with the important people in your life. And the courage to express the ideas that come to your mind that say change.

The first person you need to demonstrate your courage and leadership is to yourself.

That means directing physical body, your emotions and your mind to work as a team. Otherwise, your new ideas will not take hold. The mind is the architect making plans of how to implement the new. It is the emotions that supply the passion for the plans if accepted. Or rejects the plans, sending the mind back to the drawing board to come up with plans the emotions can indeed accept. Then the physical body is the implementer, the one who goes into action.

The goal of Aries is for you to develop into being a leader not only of yourself, but of others that need guidance. Yet Aries says leadership becomes at home, within yourself first. Only then can you be congruent with what you say and what you do, and only then can people truly trust you to lead them. Otherwise, it’s much like the parent that says, “do what I say, not what I do.”

While Aries is activating the adventurer, the pioneer and the leader within you, it is doing this with each inhabitant on this planet. For those that have become leaders already, Aries energy invokes them to look carefully at their actions and align themselves with their own ideals. And again that often takes great courage.

Whatever time you spend developing courage is well worth it, as courage is the foundation of all other qualities.

Inspiration

Now let’s look at the next virtue that is most important to develop during Aries.
It’s the virtue that you need to introduce your ideas of change, whether in your personal life, or at large. It’s inspiration. And again you don’t start off by being inspirational, it has its own evolution. At the beginning stage you may talk of doom and gloom, as if a dark cloud was raining on your head. Then you progress to being over inspirational, with no substance just hype. But right in the center is true inspiration, and it’s worth your time in developing this virtue. You might even need to take inspirational writing courses or taking speaking classes like Toastmasters.

Ideas are not enough, expressing these ideas in a way that uplift people to want change is the key. Inspiring yourself is vital, as without inspiration, you and others can fall into depression ever so easily. Inspiration says whatever we are not happy with today, we can improve. The future is ours, our dreams can be made a reality.

Acceptance

And last but not lease is the virtue of acceptance. Ideas that come to you during Aries or revisit you during Aries are not like a hot flame that quickly dies out. They will take a full lunar year to accomplish. And any big idea has a learning curve to it, you crawl, fall down a lot before you really learn how to stand up and walk, much less run. Most people including you often reject something that is not tangible, something that you cannot see, touch, or makes or saves money. And there could be some steps, some details before indeed you can make a living from the new, yet from the very beginning keep the survival factor in mind.

That’s why Courage is the first virtue to develop, but it takes acceptance of self the whole year to bring this about. And acceptance starts out as rejection, but as you learn to debate rejection, you advance to the next level. Now you could be so over accepting of self that you do not even see your flaws or the details that need to be put in place.

© copyright Grady Loy

Grady Loy has been a practicing astropsychologist for over thirty years and has written thirteen books on the subject.

Have you ever heard the expression “You can’t take it with you…”? It’s true! You can’t take the tangible things such as money, your great body or your loved ones with you when you pass on. But you can take the real gold! The ‘authentic’ is the very thing you have spent your entire lifetime acquiring through the harrowing relationships, the financial crises, the dramas and disasters.

Let me explain. Imagine yourself with a group of friends. You cannot wait to tell them about your ‘latest squeeze’ with the hope that he will get their approval. ‘He is tall, dark and handsome with a boat load of money’, you tell them. Now that you have their attention, you continue to relate some of his intrinsic characteristics. ‘He is loving, graceful, strong, truthful and courageous…’ They say, ‘Wow! It sounds like you have hit the mother-load. We cannot wait to meet him”. That is the real gold!

· Virtues Are An Everlasting Beneficial Quality

By describing his intrinsic characteristics or virtues, you have related his everlasting beneficial qualities. Your friends now understand that your ‘latest squeeze’ is a good person, well worth their time to get to know him better.

· Virtues vs. Vices

If you had used vices to describe your latest squeeze to your friends such as, “hateful, clumsy, weak, dishonest and fearful…” you would have gotten a completely different reaction. He would have been judged as a “bad person” who should be avoided at all costs.

· Virtues Will Prevail

Yet vices are just the beginning that can one day transform into a virtue. Hate has the potential to become love; clumsiness can improve to gracefulness; weakness can develop into strength; dishonesty grows into integrity; and courage comes from overcoming our fears.

· Life’s Progression

Life will continue to present the same opportunity repeatedly until you ‘get it right’. You will experience the harrowing relationships, the financial crises, the dramas and disasters until you change your vices into virtues one step at a time.

· Trial and Error

Since we are not born with an ‘owner’s manual’ on life, we learn through trial and error. Our relationships with others bring out the best and the worst in all of us. As we learn relationship skills, we can successfully change our vices into virtues by listening to our own internal voice and the people around us. It is life’s growth process that everyone must endure. The real gold will come much faster once you open your heart, your eyes and your ears.

* Can You Spot An ‘Old Soul’?

You can spot an old or mature soul from a newer soul by the qualities that they are able to express in their daily lives. Younger souls will express more vices than virtues, while mature souls will consistently express more virtues than vices.

Although, make no mistake, old souls have vices too. That’s why all of us are in relationships with each other, to awaken and develop those dormant virtues which begin as weaknesses or vices.

· Relationship Skills

Whether it is your ‘latest squeeze’, a family member or a coworker, learn to acknowledge verbally those actions you find beneficial and helpful to you. Likewise learn to verbalize, in a non judgmental way, what you experience as harmful or hurtful. We need relationships because it is difficult to see our own virtues and vices. Open the lines of communication and watch the growth begin.

Remember the real gold is the virtues you are presently expressing in your relationship with others. Increase your true worth by transforming any vice into a virtue. Not only will you end up with the real gold to take with you when you pass on, but you will feel much better about the here and now.

(c) copyright Loy Combs

Why we never learned about relationships in school just like math and science is a mystery. Our traditional educational system prepares us in the "three R’s" of "Reading," "wRiting" and "aRithmetic." Knowing these, most of us have the potential to succeed at our vocations. However, how many of us excel in the "fourth R," for "Relationships"?

George Elliot said it best, "It is never too late to become what you might have been." You can learn, it is not too late to change the underlying script for your relationship conflicts. Let me show you how to begin anew. First you need to understand the basic relationship plot and its progression.

* I am a Survivor

The beginning plot, the starring role for the victim in all of us is Goodness Triumphs Over Adversity. You develop your strength by literally surviving one adversity after another. Feeling good about yourself, finally, you proudly hail, "I know one thing for sure, I am a survivor." With that true sense of goodness and self-esteem, you have just won the beginning round.

*Adversity Becomes Adversary

Why do you now attract "bad guys" into your life? Because the script advanced, still about Goodness Triumphing but now Goodness Triumphs Over the Bad Guys. You just learned how good you are, so who is the other person in the

relationship drama with you? Of course, the bad guy. And what are you to do, get up real close, find all the faults and weaknesses of your adversary.

* You Have to Prove It

In a conflict, each clamor for the victim "good guy" role, trying to prove the other person is the bad guy or gal. Now each person can become like a lawyer, carefully arguing his case to prove the other is guilty. Only then is the good person justified in hurting or triumphing over the other person. And just like in the movies, whoever is the most adept wins, at least that argument.

* Digging Up Archeological Ruins

If you did lose that quarrel, it is totally permissible to dig up the past. After all you now must prove that your relationship partner is much worse than you no matter what harmful act you just did. That way you can be justified in whatever action you do.

* Most Advanced is the Evil Adversary

Here are some lines to use to pull both of you out of the emotional trance before it advances to Goodness Triumphs Over Evil. Leave that for the crusades, suicide bombers, zealots of righteous causes, or homicides of relationship dramas gone out of control.

* What Can You Do About It

Go back to the beginning role. See the two of you as good victims with an adversity to triumph over, not each other. Say with great passion, intensity and strength, "STOP! You are a GOOD person, I am a GOOD person. We have an adversity to triumph over, a problem. Teaming together or getting help if we need it, we can be victorious.

Why not be one of the first pioneers to dare to do the impossible – revise the script. The Good in You and The Good in Me can Triumph together over any adversity. Then "living happily after ever" is not so far away! It is within reach.

(c)copyright Loy Combs 2009

About the Author

Loy Combs, an author,  relationship researcher and consultant for over forty years, teaches you the secret rules of the relationship game. Extract yourself from dramas and begin a new life. Get your free relationship test to determine your position on this chessboard called life at http://www.loycombs.com

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The relationship game provides plenty of entertainment, although it makes us cry as often as it makes us laugh. Perhaps it is because nobody gave us the book of rules. So, we employ the true and trusted trial and error method, fumbling as we go along. Chaos ensues. There seems to be no method to this madness. Hold on, there is. Here is the key to understand the game and make it work for you.

Once you know the rules, life becomes a lot easier. You begin to read situations and people correctly, and you know your next move. The rules never fail. There is no negotiating, ever. Alas, they are not that easy to follow. There is plenty to learn and to watch out for. However, you now have a road map. You can arrive at your destination, skirting manholes, hopping over gutters, and avoiding the bad side of town. You can be where you want to be.

* Rule No. 1: The hero wins the game

It may take what appears to be an eternity. Yet, in the end the villains will be vanquished, the victims restored and the heroes will glory in their victory. Victims and heroes know this intuitively. Villains never believe it until it is too late. The heroes win the game in the end.

* Rule No. 2: You attract into your life exactly the lessons you need to learn

Been there, done that? Forget it! If it shows up with uncanny regularity, you are not home and dry yet. Until you have healed your hurts on an emotional, mental, physical and spiritual level, you will replay the same scenario like a broken record. Your initial adversary may have long passed on, but similar people will show up to play in his or her place.

* Rule No. 3: The books must be balanced

Since all of us play all three roles, with different intensities, no one can claim to be sanctity personified, not even heroes. As long as we are human, we make mistakes. Yet all our misdeeds must be balanced in equal measure. If we do not see to it ourselves, life will. In the meantime, our guilty conscience haunts us with nightmares. How much fun is that?

* Rule No. 4: The game progresses through three levels

Life is much like school: you progress from kindergarten to elementary school to university. The initial level is adversity. Things do not go as planned. There are obstacles to overcome, and a budding hero or villain will overcome them. In the second level, adversity makes way for an adversary. Not to worry, the foe is usually weaker than you are, and you can handle him or her with the strength you developed at level one. The final stage of the game is much more demanding. Here, the streetwise hero must deal with hard-core criminals, often better organized and better armed than he is. Warning: Playing the game at this level can be fatal, and often is.

* Rule No. 5: The invisible player takes over when you least expect it

The invisible player is part of each of us. Mostly he goes unnoticed. Yet, he watches out for any signs of danger. Then he takes over. He overrules our mind, body, emotions and soul. Neuroscience has proven so. He was ancient when the dinosaurs still roamed the Earth. The modern world means nothing to him. So, he fights tooth and claw to protect the only treasure he has: you. He will be your final challenge. You cannot vanquish him. He is part of you. However, you must team up with him and persuade him to let you handle modern day challenges, like your relationships, sex, money and food.

There is no need for you to continue to grope as you go along. By understanding the rules of the relationship game, you can set aside confusion. Play the game to win, and be rewarded with love and strength. Yes, you can live "happily after ever."

(c) Copyright Loy Combs

Loy Combs (aka Loy Young) an author, relationship researcher and consultant for over forty years, teaches you the secret rules of the relationship game. Extract yourself from dramas and begin a new life. Get your free relationship test to determine your position on this chessboard called life at http://www.loycombs.com

As hero, you are the winner in the first round of the relationship game. Forget about resting on your laurels though. It is lonely at the top, and the admiring crowd, the victims you saved included, will watch your every step with envy. The rarefied air also comes with delusions of superiority and righteousness. Oops! There you tumble back all the way to where you started, a victim entirely of your own doing.  

If you enjoy surprises, you have hit the jackpot. The hero’s role is full of them. Villains are lurking in the shadows to undo you, trap doors unexpectedly open theirs jowls just as you are about to pass. Even red herrings bend over backward vying for your attention. In short, there is never a dull moment. You have to become streetwise double quick or become a statistic. At this point, the villain role also seems more and more attractive.

Let me give you some pointers so you may continue your winning ways.

*  Save yourself

One of the biggest traps of the hero role is neglecting the victim inside. Instead, you draw into your life one person after another who suffered the same hurts you did as a child. So you continue to save others but not yourself. Then you are stuck in the same spot. Even though you try to save your inner victim by saving others, you will not heal unless you address your own problem. Only then will you be able to accurately feel who is in front of you, a real victim or a villain. 

*  Include yourself

There are many more victims than heroes. If you try to save every one of them, you will soon burn out and begin to make mistakes.  In order to continue on your winning path through the relationship game, you need to look after yourself first. So exercise, because you must be strong. Eat properly, sitting down, three square meals a day. Take time to smell the roses. A martyr is a victim not a hero.

*  Make your victims independent

Instead of saving the same victims repeatedly, teach them how to become heroes, so they can save themselves the next time around and teach other victims. If you do not make your victims independent, they will push you right off your pedestal and you go back to your beginnings.

*  Your empathy is your greatest strength and your greatest weakness

Your heart will always go out to anyone in pain. Every time you help a true victim, you win his gratitude and admiration and find your self-love. However, your empathy makes you also vulnerable to manipulation and abuse by villains in disguise. Often, their stories are incredulous, and their wounds sometimes self-inflicted. The clue is that "nothing works" for a villain disguised as a       victim.

*  Don’t become a zealot for your cause

You are on your way to right the wrongs that you perceive. You have a track record, followers, and an adoring public. Superiority is easy to come by, as victims and villains are many, heroes are few. So your way is the only way or at least the best way, right? That is what all the fanatics on this planet think, too from the crusaders to Bin Laden to the Ku Klux Klan. So think again, or become a villain disguised as a hero. 

Heroes, you are wonderful, mighty and just what the world needs.  Just make sure you do not  fall into some of the more challenging twists and turns that are so prevalent, just waiting to take you down.  Stay up, you deserve it.

(c) Copyright Loy Combs 2009

Loy Combs, a author, relationship researcher and consultant for over forty years, teaches you the secret rules of the relationship game. Extract yourself from dramas and begin a new life. Get your free relationship test to determine your position on this chessboard called life at http://www.loycombs.com

In the relationship game, the villain concluded that life is unfair when no hero showed up to save him as a young victim. Then the villain started taking what he deems his due, naturally from those weaker than he is. Now these players only feel alive when they can exert power over others. In other words, villains have fallen for the fool’s gold in the game of life.

First, let me debunk a popular misconception: The villain is not someone else. It is you and I. What distinguishes us from a serial rapist, a professional killer, or the inventor of yet another pyramid scheme, is a mere matter of degree. Maybe we just persuade our adoring assistant to work overtime without compensation, inflate our insurance claims, or flirt to enjoy our partner’s jealousy.

Let me show you how to go for the real gold in life.

* Do as you say

The villain in all of us is a fraud. Our words and actions do not tally, and we find plenty of excuses and reasons for those discrepancies. Yet, only players with integrity can win this game. Therefore, each time your family, friends, or neighbors exclaim, ‘That is not what you said!’ take note, literally, and write it down. Then see if you can act in accordance with your messages in the future.

* Finish what you start

At this stage in your life, you have probably abandoned many projects that you started when a more exciting opportunity came your way. Make a list of all your unfinished business. Then carefully consider one after the other all the activities you have jotted down. Would you feel good about yourself if you completed that item? If you answered yes, circle the endeavor, and continue down the list until you are finished. Begin by concluding the easiest venture from the list. Accomplish the task you set yourself, and watch your self -esteem soar.

* Take Responsibility for Your Actions

The villain in all of us justifies our harmful actions. Without taking responsibility, apologizing to others, and forgiving ourselves, we do not improve. We stay stuck in our old ways while others pass us by. That is why villains lose the game. To change your self-destructive pattern make a list of all the things you do that harm others. Also, note down your justification for your behavior so that your thinking process becomes clear to you. Now consider your harmful actions, and take responsibility for your part. After all, no one is watching.

The villain in all of us refuses change. However, that is a losing proposition. Winning is about constantly improving, and developing more of our potential. Start with doing what you say, finishing what you started, and owning up to your deeds. Free yourself of your own shadow.

Loy Combs, an author,  relationship researcher and consultant for over forty years, teaches you the secret rules of the relationship game. Extract yourself from dramas and begin a new life. Get your free relationship test to determine your position on this chessboard called life at http://www.loycombs.com

You play currently the beginning and most sought after role in life: that of a victim. At birth, we all start out as vulnerable babies, entirely dependent upon others for our survival. Sometimes, the bare necessities are all we ever get. Therefore, some of us may have learned to equate love with care and adopted a victim mentality.

There are many good reasons to play the victim role day in, day out. Drifting from one crisis to another allows you to feel intensely. At the same time with your tales of woe, you elicit sympathy from the people around you.

Those with a victim mentality find it too difficult to take responsibility for themselves and seek out others to look after them. Unbelievable though it may seem, playing the losing role has many advantages. In any confrontation, all parties usually try to prove that they are the innocent victim. Yet is the pain and sorrow really worth it? Would you not rather enjoy life instead? Let me show you how to:

* learn to love, nurture and take care of yourself.

Take some deep breaths, walk the beach, play with your dog, listen to music, or indulge yourself in a long, hot bath. In other words, move out of your comfortable inertia and become active in a non-threatening, gentle manner.

* put your home in order

Clean out your closet, sew on loose buttons, wash the laundry, take your shoes to the cobbler, throw out any long expired food items, and put order into your garage. Chaos always tends to overwhelm us, and we make mistake after mistake. So let us get rid of it. Every step you take to master your physical environment will allow you to feel better about yourself and renders you less dependent on others.

* look after your money

When was the last time you balanced your checkbook? Do you know the extent of your monthly income compared to your expenses? You can find happiness with any sum of money, if you stay within your budget. When you take responsibility for your finances, you begin to leave behind the victim role.

* discover the patterns that have been running your life

We become entangled in different versions of the same conflict until we learn to resolve the confrontations that turned us into a victim. So ask yourself, ‘when have I been embroiled in similar clashes before?’ Continue to dig up memories until you find a dispute that provides you with an insight.

* change your destiny

Now change the ending to this conflict. Victims cry, flee, shout for help or freeze in fear. Visualize yourself in the same situation, but this time as a winner. What would you do, speak up, defend yourself, or call the police? Whatever the solution may be, from this day forwards, you will encounter fewer dramas in your life.

Now you have some practical tools to move out your victim mentality. Instead of depending on others for love, the more responsibility you assume, the more you will like yourself. Even better, fewer dramas will haunt you. You may even enjoy life!

(c) Copyright Loy Combs 2009

Loy Combs,(aka Loy Young)  author,  relationship researcher and relationship consultant for over forty years, teaches you the secret rules of the relationships game. Extract yourself from relationship dramas and begin a new life. Get your free relationship test to determine your position on this chessboard called life at http://www.loycombs.com

  Providence often seems inscrutable and willful. Relationship disasters strike; and leave us feeling crushed and helpless; and we wonder why these things are happening to us. Take heart! You do not have to suffer the whims of fortune blindly. Life is not the random chaos that we take for granted. It is a relationship game to help us develop our full potential.

Trust me, just like you, I have had my fair share of relationship challenges in life. I cannot tell you how much heartache I went through until I discovered the hidden secrets of life. Let me reveal these to you now.

* Life is a game with a firm set of rules.

To make sense of the many repetitive crises and so-called coincidences in life, somebody should have handed us a set of rules at birth. As it is, we must discover the method to the madness around us as we go along, and many give up trying.

Through many heart-wrenching dramas, I learned that life is a competitive relationship game. To graduate from one level to the next, we must navigate past many traps and red herrings.

* The name of the game is conflict.

Life is a relationship game of me versus you. Most human interactions, no matter how they begin, escalate until one wins, and one loses. There is no denying or escaping it. If we avoid clashes with others, we still must struggle against the voice inside of us to reach our goals from losing weight to becoming a champion marathon runner to finding happiness.

* There are three players in the game.

Any relationship conflict requires a minimum of two players, an aggressor (villain) and a victim. Ideally, a hero then rushes in to rescue the victim and restrain the villain. Of course, we all like to think of ourselves as good people. However, each of us plays all three roles at sometime in our life.

* Life appears unfair.

Unfortunately, there are far more beginning players, the victims and villains, than more advanced heroes in the world. When no savior appears to rescue the victim and restrain the villain, life appears unfair. Yet, this conclusion is only a trap in the game that keeps you embroiled in conflict.

* You repeat the same unresolved relationship conflicts until you graduate to the next level of the game.

Any victim scenario will keep haunting you by drawing similar people and situations into your life until you become a winner. If a series of sweethearts has abandoned you, or you have lost several jobs, or suffered various accidents, then you have experienced the game at work. Incidentally, the same mechanism applies to the villain and the hero.

* There are 36 variations of relationship conflict.

That would be too easy. The game throws 36 different relationship conflict scenarios at you, some simultaneously, to keep you entertained and confused. Each playing partner that appears in your life is struggling much like you to get through those clashes alive and unscathed and preferably, a winner.

* What is in it for you?

All conflicts must ultimately end in the triumph of the hero who then sets out to live happily ever after, or so the game would have us believe. Again, this is just fool’s gold. The prize of the game lies truly in the soul qualities you develop each time you become a winner, the first and foremost of which is courage.

Life can be a fun-filled adventure once you recognize the relationship rules of the game at work in your life and look out for its pitfalls. You need to balance strength and love to win the game. Too much strength turns you into a villain, too much love into a victim. The winning role is a hero with enough power and heart to help other players become a winner also.

(c) Copyright Loy Combs

Loy Combs(aka Loy Young) an author, relationship researcher and consultant for over forty years, teaches you the secret rules of the relationship game. Extract yourself from relationship dramas and begin a new life. Get your free relationship test to determine your position on this chessboard called life at http://www.loycombs.com